


To Be So Lonely

by swaggeroni



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: College Reader, Comfort, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Pining, Professor Reid, Temporarily Unrequited Love, reader is lowkey obsessed but arent we all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:34:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29740881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swaggeroni/pseuds/swaggeroni
Summary: i decided to just put this out now but there probably won't be an update for a while because i think i need a break :)(this chapter occurs right before he goes to prison)
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 2





	To Be So Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> i decided to just put this out now but there probably won't be an update for a while because i think i need a break :)  
> (this chapter occurs right before he goes to prison)

summer before your sophomore year starts in the fall and you're spending most of it in a bookstore, and you honestly love it. you enjoy your job a lot more than you thought, it's a very hole-in-the-wall spot in the neighborhood. it's rustic but there are a lot of open windows in the front so that people can peer inside. your manager, who was the owner's daughter, had put a variety of plants in the corners of the shop where the sunlight hit. you considered yourself lucky to find it, you actually picked up the reading habit that you dropped after middle school and you were getting paid. above minimum wage too, you could tell this store had been around for a while and it wasn't even very busy but the family clearly came from old money. the only reason you had the job was that your manager wouldn't be around too often because she wanted to start a family and no one wants to work in a bookstore over the summer, except you of course.

today was one of those days, business was slow (probably due to it being summer break) and you were just reading on the counter that was in the center of the shop. your elbows propped up on the wood while your cheek was in your palm and your other hand balancing your book. you mostly cleaned the shop, watered the plants, and dusted the shelves so it was pretty boring. the virginia summer was intense today, and you could've taken a break but going outside was not the move.

"hey, y/n, me and my dad will just be in the backroom, feel free to clock out when your shift is over."

avery was her name, she and her father, mr. boyd, would sometimes spend their free days to come down here and do their finances. it usually took them a while and since they were in the back and it often felt like you were the only person there.

you hear the jingle of the bell that hangs on the front door, signaling a customer. you immediately perked up and doggy-eared your page which made you cringe internally. you felt like you commited a crime every time you did that. you swiped your hands along the cotton fabric of your fitted scoop neck shirt as if to smooth it out. you felt like you just got caught slacking off so you were a little frantic. you put the book down and moved in front of the register finally looking up at the stranger who just walked in. his firm steps contrasted the lofi music that had been playing in the background.

he too had been looking down. he was digging his hands into his messenger bag and you marveled at his light brown unruly hair. the way he walked in, it was obvious that he had been here before though you've never seen him. he took strides to your counter and you noticed that he was in a full suit and tie.

 _in the middle of summer?_ you thought it was unconventional, this guy was definitely corporate or just someone important. you thought he looked good though, you found yourself paying attention to the veiny hands that were pulling out three books at once. you definitely felt something and you hadn't even seen his face properly yet.

"you're new." he stated plainly and your gaze immediately shifted to the eyes that belonged to that soft voice. you both made direct eye contact with each other and you found yourself lost in the sea of green and brown irises. he was definitely slightly above six foot, staring right down into what felt like your fucking soul. his gaze was so intense but soft at the same time like he's seen some terrible things.

his pupils shifted side to side as he scanned you. it made you want to run and hide but also open yourself all the way for him to make the job easier. you considered yourself a socialite but his stare made you feel small and awkward. it felt like he was analyzing every part of you, inside and out. that was until his eye line met your chest and you saw a faint blush on his cheeks, at least you _thought_ you saw it. you were probably projecting whatever lewd thoughts you suddenly came up with. if he was flushed it was probably just because it was a hot day.

he broke his eyes away from you and looked at the books he suddenly placed on the counter, "um- i- i am new. well not new, i got hired earlier this summer." _since when do i stutter?_ you genuinely never had a problem with strangers, not that you went around talking to everyone but when someone talks to you, you could usually talk back no problem. his presence made you nervous... he was just so _attractive_. too much for his own good. it made your brain scatter. he was older too, it wasn't obvious though. he didn't have wrinkles but it was mostly just the look on his face, he seemed like someone who knew a lot.

"oh, makes sense, i haven't been here for a while." he let out a slight chuckle and for a second his expression was pensive. he was suddenly hit with this wave of nostalgia. he seemed like he wanted to say something, his soft lips parting but closing as he walked away and wandered over to one of the shelves.

you let out a small sigh because you were disappointed for some reason and decided to actually do your job instead of gawk at a stranger. the man seemed awkward himself, he didn't even bother to mention that the books he just dropped on the counter were rented and just before their due date. his movements were slightly rushed and you could hear the patter of his feet on the carpeted floor. you logged his books back into the system and put them aside for the shelves later.

he came back over to you and you felt your heart leap hopefully because you knew you'd get to hear his voice again, god- how did you end up to be so lonely? maybe it was moving to a town where the only person your age you knew was your cousin.

he dropped five books onto your counter and your eyes widened slightly, it would take you three months to read those, but you didn't question him. he probably didn't need some college girl asking him questions. "buy or rent?" you asked.

"bu- rent, actually." a small smile came onto his lips and you looked up from his books to meet his eyes and a small knowing smile came on your face too. you rang up his stuff before handing the pile of books to him along with the receipt. your fingertips gently brushed his and you felt your face flush. you felt so much electricity from such a small amount of contact. it surged through you and a small part of you could swear he felt the same. the way his eyes seemed to brighten just a little bit. a part of you was hoping he said rent so that he had an excuse to come back and make contact with you again but that would be stupid.

as he stuffed the books into his messenger bag, your hand rubbed at the hair on the nape of your neck while your other was picking at the chipping black nail polish with your thumb. you felt like you had to look busy with something, a nervous habit you had when you were doing something wrong. but you weren't doing anything wrong, was it so wrong to be allured by a stranger? or maybe it was because you felt more than physically attracted to him, though that was a definite given, you felt curious. you felt bad about how deeply you were beginning to feel. you wanted him to ask you about your life so you had an excuse to ask about his. you wanted him to tell you his fears, his thoughts, his past loves. you felt like you had a lot to learn about him, from him.

he closed his bag and glanced back up at you with the small smile still on his face. there was a moment again unspoken words that were stuck on his tongue, he just stood there but you made no moves either.

"i'll see you when you return these, i guess." you pressed your lips together in an awkward smile that he returned.

"oh- um- yeah i'll see you, bye y/n." he began to walk away, "wait! how did you know-"

"your name tag." he looked back at you with a full smirk on his face. he definitely knew what he was doing by calling your name. he said it to trip you up, he was testing waters that seemed uncharted for him. you clasped your hand on the left side of your chest where your name tag sat. it made you feel warm, you wanted him to call your name again, over and over. his voice was so sultry, you wanted to hear it again and you definitely would.

\------

you saw him in the shop four times after that and every time he looked more and more lost. you didn't know how to explain it, but it was obvious no one had checked in on him in so long. his visits weren't often either, he obviously was a busy man who came when he could. the last time you saw him it was a week before your semester started. half a summer went by and you didn't gain the courage to ask for his number. it wasn't a hard task, you asked his name, spencer reid, a name you could see yourself saying in a more intimate setting (your mind couldn't help but go there).

which then lead to finding out he was a doctor. so dr. reid, which just made him even more enticing. non-medical, with three pHD's in mathematics, chemistry, and engineering. along with three BA's in philosophy, psychology, and sociology. he could be a professor. he was a genius, that was the only way to describe it. you felt so intimidated but also turned on when he would pull direct quotes from a book he found you reading. he didn't tell you exactly tell you what he did, any mention of his job and he'd turn it around on you. he cut it short by saying he worked for the FBI but there was definitely a lot more to the story. you didn't want to push it through when you saw him you oddly wanted to be one small pocket of his life that wasn't tainted. you wanted to be those fifteen to thirty minutes of bliss. because lately, it seems like he wasn't catching a break, his eye bags grew darker and his brows were constantly more furrowed.

you told him how you were starting at georgetown with a major in microbiology after just moving from new york, there wasn't really much to your life at the moment. he told you he had only been to the city for work so he never got to explore but for someone who never explored, he knew way more than you did. you think you might've learned more about your city from him than from growing up there.

honestly, you were grateful he let you in that much, that he gave you the time of day. you hung on his every word because he was special, and something about his demeanor told you that he didn't acknowledge it enough. he was so _good._ you fully thought he was better than you, in every way. wiser, kinder, gentler. his calloused hands looked like they offered the most gracious touch. it felt like in the four times he said goodbye to you, each time you were left with a little bit more of him, a piece of information. at the same time though, there seemed like there was so much he wanted to say to you. you didn't know that he developed a fondness for you as well. your eyes were filled with hope and potential, something he wasn't getting enough of in other areas of his life. he would slowly reveal himself through books, it wasn't hard to get him to ramble about an intellectual piece he was excited about. that's honestly how you guys built your... _friendship_ _?_ either way, you just loved hearing him talk.

yet you still couldn't ask for his god-forsaken number.

because this would be the last time you saw him for quite some time, without knowing he'd come back a changed man.


End file.
